Wedding-Day Tips for Introverted Couples Who Hate Attention

Wedding ceremony-Day Suggestions for Introverted {Couples} Who Hate Consideration

  • Even when you hate being the focus, you possibly can nonetheless have the marriage of your goals.
  • Insider spoke to 11 specialists to search out out what to take away and what so as to add to your wedding ceremony day.
  • Suggestions embrace reimagining your procession, including mini breaks, and nixing the primary dance.

They are saying your wedding ceremony day is meant to be one of many largest and greatest days of your life — it is a celebration of affection the place all eyes are on you. However when you’re somebody who hates being the focus in your on a regular basis life, you will have anxiousness about being within the highlight in your wedding ceremony day, too.

So how will you make your “massive day” really feel much less massive?

For introverted {couples} who wish to rejoice their love however do not wish to make a spectacle whereas doing so, we have compiled suggestions from specialists to assist. Guided by wedding ceremony planners, wedding ceremony web site and occasion founders, life coaches, and therapists, all the things from excluding sure traditions to together with personal moments made the listing.

Be sincere with your self earlier than you begin planning

After the query has been popped and you’ve got taken a second to soak on this thrilling life change, it is time to begin planning. This may be very thrilling however intimidating, so it is necessary that you simply account to your and your companion’s needs, wants, and feelings alongside the way in which. 

Holistic psychotherapist Devon McLeod mentioned individuals ought to acknowledge their inner battle of being the focus.

“Journal your emotions out or communicate to a trusted buddy or therapist […] If feeling just like the focus brings up emotions of being judged, think about form eyes on you from all the individuals in attendance and visualize this earlier than your wedding ceremony,” she advised Insider.

Talk considerations with wedding ceremony planners and distributors, and handle friends’ expectations

Consensus amongst specialists is that it is crucial to voice your considerations and must key gamers in your wedding ceremony: planners, officiants, photographers, DJs, hair stylists, the marriage occasion, and so forth.

{Couples} also needs to set the tone for the marriage to their friends prematurely. Janessa White, co-founder and CEO of Merely Eloped, an elopement planning service, suggested “managing expectations so individuals aren’t strolling as much as the bride and groom the day-of anticipating consideration.”

For instance, when you want to skip a receiving line to greet friends, White really helpful speaking this in a be aware within the invitation. As a substitute, you possibly can say you look ahead to having a non-public telephone name or dinner together with your visitor after the marriage day.

Discover an intimate and informal wedding ceremony venue

A couple gives a toast to a single table of guests in an outdoor setting during the day.

A yard wedding ceremony and/or daytime wedding ceremony might help your wedding ceremony day really feel extra informal and acquainted.


Not each wedding ceremony must be in a big wedding ceremony corridor or “wedding ceremony manufacturing unit.” For introverted {couples}, a extra informal ceremony and reception will be the higher choice.

Lindsey Nickel, proprietor of and wedding ceremony planner at Pretty Day Occasions, mentioned, “For smaller, extra intimate weddings, you are able to do one thing extra informal like a daytime wedding ceremony or a brunch wedding ceremony. That can assist it really feel much less formal. Easier breezy, so to talk.”

Yard weddings, for instance, permit {couples} to really feel extra snug in an area they know, she mentioned.

Contemplate having a multi-day or dual-part celebration

It might sound counterintuitive to be the focus for longer than you might want to be, however there are advantages to it.

“Should you plan a few occasions over the course of some days, there’s much less strain on anybody occasion for everybody to suit all the things in,” Hannah Nowack, editor of “Actual Weddings” at The Knot, mentioned. “As a substitute, the entire occasion can tackle extra of a laid-back reunion really feel.”

Katie Brownstein, director of promoting and communications at Pleasure, a free wedding-planning web site, has seen this development popping out of the pandemic. “{Couples} are planning a wide range of occasions, from welcome drinks, to daytime outside actions, along with the standard rehearsal dinner and wedding ceremony,” she mentioned.

But when a multi-day wedding ceremony does not look like the appropriate match, you possibly can keep away from being within the highlight an excessive amount of by splitting up the day.

“Due to the pandemic, many {couples} began having dual-part weddings with a extra intimate and even personal ceremony, after which a bigger reception later,” mentioned Emily Forrest Skurnik, director of communications at Zola.

Be intentional together with your visitor listing

A bride and four bridesmaids celebrate in robes on a bed.

Smaller bridal events and visitor lists are helpful for optimistic vitality.


Slimming down your visitor listing and bridal occasion is an apparent technique to have fewer eyes on you throughout your wedding ceremony day. Whereas an elopement could also be choice, a smaller gathering normally may assist. It is probably not the best choice to determine who you don’t need in attendance, however it is vital that you simply put your self first.

In deciding who to take away out of your listing, Skurnik mentioned, “Should you really feel like having your coworkers at your wedding ceremony will trigger you added stress, possibly do not lengthen the invite. The identical goes for plus-ones.”

There are different advantages to having a smaller wedding ceremony. Having fewer friends typically “minimizes any drama,” Nickel mentioned.

“Holding a smaller group of individuals preparing with you normally would assist as a result of you’ve got much less opinions, much less individuals working late, and fewer questions,” she mentioned.

Put together for crowd-viewing moments

Contemplate some rehearsals to higher enable you to mentally put together for the extra daunting moments.

“Schedule a rehearsal so you possibly can apply strolling down the aisle,” Skurnik recommended. “You’ll be able to even apply reciting your vows […] Apply your first dance, apply small discuss, and sure, apply your kiss.”

That is true to your wedding ceremony pictures, too.

Emily Monus, proprietor of Emily Monus Occasions, an LGBTQIA+ and vegan event-planning service, mentioned, “By working together with your photographer in a low-stakes setting, corresponding to an engagement shoot at your favourite park, and even in your individual residence, you’ll be able to construct a rapport together with your photographer and apply being in entrance the digicam.”

Creating a photograph listing of poses and extra friends you need within the pictures will even assist reduce the eye on you.

Have a peaceable wedding ceremony eve and wedding ceremony morning

“The evening earlier than your massive day, do not invite all your mates over,” Lisa Phillips, life coach at Superb Teaching and the writer of “The Confidence Coach,” advised Insider. “Make {that a} evening for ‘your self.’ Ensure you create vitality surplus.”

She additionally recommends a low-key morning with few individuals concerned.

“Introverts acquire their vitality from being alone, so discover some quiet time for your self to totally cost your batteries for the day,” she added.

Designate a degree individual for questions

If you already don’t love being the focus, the very last thing you seemingly need is for everybody to come back on to you with their questions. That is the right alternative at hand off that accountability. 

“Designating your most type-A, organized wedding ceremony occasion attendant to be the purpose individual will prevent from being inundated with a plethora of queries in your wedding ceremony day,” Nowack mentioned.

White agreed, suggesting a maid of honor could possibly be a “blocker” for the bride. “All particulars or traces of communication undergo the maid of honor as an alternative of the bride or the groomsmen as an alternative of the groom,” she mentioned.

Contemplate doing a ‘first look’

A bride stands behind her groom and covers his eyes before he can see her.

{Couples} are opting to do first appears to allow them to see and spend time with their companions earlier than the day will get busy.

Sergii Sobolevskyi/Shutterstock

The teary second when a pair sees one another for the primary time on the altar is usually one for the films. Nevertheless, it would make some {couples} uncomfortable to share that intimate expertise with an viewers. So, doing a primary look is a pleasant technique to ease your anxieties about that second.

“What the primary look does is it really offers you alone time,” Rachel Silver, founder and CEO of Love Tales TV, a wedding-focused on-line market, mentioned. “It really makes the entire day much less demanding as a result of when you do not see one another till the ceremony, then you definately’re doubtlessly skipping your cocktail hour to be able to take footage, which you won’t wish to do.”

Nickel added that some {couples} select to spend their time collectively from the primary look till the ceremony. That is helpful whenever you wish to be alone, however not totally alone.

Recite your private vows in personal

It is fairly customized now for {couples} to learn personalised vows. Nevertheless, since this aspect of the marriage is so private, chances are you’ll be nervous to talk vulnerably in entrance of your friends.

Katie Kortebein, head of editorial at Love Tales TV and an introverted bride herself who’s at present planning her wedding ceremony, recommended studying these vows to one another earlier within the day.

“Another excuse for a primary look? You’ll be able to change your vows privately after which merely repeat after the officiant in entrance of friends,” she mentioned.

An alternative choice that Skurnik recommended was together with a particular studying or a efficiency from a cherished one at your ceremony rather than studying your private vows.

Reinvent the procession and receiving traces

A couple waves as they walk down a less traditional aisle surrounded by flowers.

{Couples} can redefine their stroll down the aisle by making it extra informal or strolling collectively moderately than separate.


Strolling down the aisle could also be intimidating when you do not wish to be within the highlight.

“An excellent various is to enter the ceremony house together with your companion,” Nowack mentioned. “Alternatively, you possibly can flip the script and kick off the marriage day with an informal cocktail hour time of mingling. Then effortlessly transition into the marriage ceremony and skip the processional altogether.”

Equally, a receiving line might push you out of your consolation zone.

“Determine to not embrace this in your schedule,” Phillips mentioned. “Permit your friends to get settled within the reception space after which be part of them after you’ve got had a fast relaxation.”

Have a good time together with your companion alone after the ceremony

After the whirlwind of marrying each other, {couples} ought to be capable of step away to replicate and rejoice on their very own. Brownstein advised Insider {that a} rising development is for {couples} to eat dinner individually from their friends after the ceremony.

Nickel incorporates this into her wedding ceremony providers by a component referred to as “Bubbles & Bites,” a break the place she offers the couple a non-public house with drinks and meals to chill out collectively.

“That actually goes a great distance for introverted individuals to step away from the highlight for a couple of minutes and be with the individual they love earlier than going again out to greet all people,” she mentioned.

Schedule check-ins and mini breaks

A couple embrace and talk on a chairs alone.

Discovering a quiet house to take a number of breaks together with your companion might help you each unwind.


It is not egocentric to have alone time. The truth is, specialists really helpful scheduling breaks all through the day.

Monus additionally recommended planning check-in factors together with your wedding ceremony planner, saying, “Providing your self the chance to take a break and understanding it is going to be constructed into the timeline for you could be such a reduction to a nervous, shy marrier.”

Visitors won’t even discover, Silver mentioned.

“The additional you’re into the marriage, the much less individuals are going to note,” she mentioned. “Nobody’s going to note if the bride’s gone for 5 or 10 minutes. And that may really feel actually highly effective when you’re simply emotionally exhausted.”

Reformat the primary dance

The primary dance is probably one of the crucial nerve-racking parts of a marriage, however there are a number of alternate options.

Sarah Wintersteen, proprietor of Sistered States, an event-planning and design firm, shared just a few options.

“You’ll be able to ask the band or DJ to fade out the track after the primary refrain so that you’re solely dancing for a couple of minute as an alternative of three minutes,” she mentioned. Or “you possibly can ask different married {couples} to hitch in in your first dance so it isn’t simply the 2 of you dancing.”

If that also considerations you, Brownstein mentioned, “You possibly can even choose to do your first dance in personal earlier than becoming a member of the reception, if you wish to hold that custom with out the eye.”

Make the reception setup extra snug

A family smiles at the camera as they sit in a sectioned off spot with couches.

Creating areas like lounges for friends to mingle off the dance ground is a good choice.


Quite than a conventional ballroom with tables circling a dance ground, you possibly can incorporate extra intimate and distinctive setups into your wedding ceremony. That is helpful particularly if you don’t need the main focus to be on dancing.

For instance, Nickel recommended to include lounges, saying, “Give individuals a spot to go hang around the place they will not should be on the dance ground.”

“That may give the bride and the groom a possibility to nonetheless mingle and see their friends in a actually and figuratively extra snug setting,” she mentioned.

Contemplate having a sweetheart desk … however provided that it’s going to make you are feeling extra snug

A couple sits alone at a private table with floral decor on it.

A sweetheart desk that is not within the heart of the room is usually a good choice for {couples} who need a while aside from friends.


You’ll be able to have your individual private bubble with a secluded and separate sweetheart desk. It may be positioned off to the aspect so you are not the point of interest of the house.

“In case you are really introverted or shy or this expertise is providing you with anxiousness, it could be a pleasant relaxation bit to have a while at a desk with simply your companion,” Silver mentioned. “You then’re not having to show to a complete bunch of individuals between each speech and acknowledge it and chat about it and make dialog.”

For some introverts, nevertheless, a sweetheart desk could be extra intimidating. If so, take into account sitting with those that put you comfy and elevate your vitality.

“Sit at a head desk as an alternative of a sweetheart desk,” Wintersteen mentioned. “Sitting amongst the marriage occasion will create much less of a highlight than when you had been to take a seat at a desk alone together with your partner.”

To speech or to not speech: It is as much as you

A number of specialists mentioned that speeches could be reimagined if the concept scares you. Maybe make your speech brief and candy; pre-record the speech and present it as a video; have members of the marriage occasion communicate as an alternative; or just restrict how many individuals communicate. Past that, you possibly can exclude all speeches completely.

Alternatively, “schedule speeches and toasts for the rehearsal dinner as an alternative of the marriage,” Wintersteen mentioned. “Rehearsal dinners are sometimes a extra intimate, smaller setting, so much less individuals will probably be staring and it is going to be much less awkward to get speeches out of the way in which the evening earlier than.”

Add cute distractions

A male couple smile and hold their pet dog.

Having a companion canine might help ease {couples}’ anxieties and function much-needed distractions.


No, pets and kids will not be props. However they’re sneakily nice additions to your wedding ceremony day when you’re an introvert.

“When unsure, add a canine or a child to your wedding ceremony occasion,” Skurnik mentioned. “They all the time steal the present, in a great way.”

Along with distracting friends with cuteness overload, animals might help distract you too. White mentioned having your companion or service animal be part of your wedding ceremony day might help calm your nerves. In case your venue permits this, your pet could be one other member of your help system.

Cake chopping does not should be on full show

Reducing the marriage cake is usually a pivotal a part of a reception, typically with photo-ops of {couples} smashing cake into one another’s faces. If this turns you off, you possibly can work your approach round it in just a few alternative ways.

Do the cake chopping discreetly whereas your friends are busy consuming or dancing. Wintersteen means that “as an alternative of getting everybody stare at you when you minimize the cake, simply have your planner seize you, your photographer, and your dad and mom and go minimize the cake.”

Monus mentioned you possibly can forgo the custom altogether.

“Should you’re nervous about chopping the cake in entrance of everybody, it should be in your thoughts all day, taking you out of the second,” she mentioned, including: “So, do not do the factor you do not wish to do. I provide you with permission.”