Wedding Advice You Should Not Follow, According to Wedding Planner

Wedding ceremony Recommendation You Ought to Not Comply with, In keeping with Wedding ceremony Planner

  • I am a marriage planner and I’ve seen {couples} get some unhealthy recommendation whereas planning their nuptials.
  • Do not instantly e-book your venue or really feel pressured to ask youngsters if you don’t need them there. 
  • It is OK to assign seats, do your individual make-up and hair, or have a weekday marriage ceremony. 

As quickly as you get engaged, it may really feel like everybody in your world has one thing to say about marriage ceremony planning. 

These two cents typically come from a spot of affection —  however that does not make listening to them any much less tiresome and, in some instances, poisonous. And as a marriage planner, I’ve seen some horrible ideas and steerage. 

Listed below are items of recommendation I’ve seen {couples} who’re planning a marriage obtain and why you need to ignore them. 

Opposite to common perception, you should not instantly e-book a venue

Textbook marriage ceremony recommendation is to e-book your venue(s) first so you may reply “The place are you getting married?” and “When are you getting married?” 

Alas, speeding into venue excursions is the no. 1 manner {couples} find yourself blowing their complete funds inside a month of getting engaged.

So, take a breath. Pause. Get proper with what the purpose is of your marriage ceremony. Should you need assistance, do this train.

a wedding venue banquet hall with white chairs and tables set up

Do not rush into reserving a venue.


No, your marriage ceremony is not going to be ruined when you do not rent a marriage planner

Maybe this appears ironic, coming from a marriage planner, however I imply it. 

It could be messier and fewer organized and, relying on how effectively you and your accomplice delegate duties like cleansing up on the finish of the occasion, extra tense for individuals you care about nevertheless it is not going to be ruined.

Anybody who tells you in a different way might be making an attempt to promote you one thing.

There’s nothing rude about asking for cash

The “conventional” registry of family items was helpful when {couples} did not reside collectively earlier than getting married. Lately, that is a lot much less frequent and {couples} want to have money as an alternative of a brand new toaster. 

It is OK to ask for cash as a result of what any good marriage ceremony visitor desires is for you and your accomplice to be pleased.

For my husband and I’s personal marriage ceremony, we tied requests for money to particular actions (“Purchase us a date night time” or “Purchase us a dinner at this restaurant we love”).

The money items all went into the identical pool however this allowed individuals to really feel like they had been shopping for us a factor we truly needed.

a couple on their wedding day, bride and groom, posing by the water in a wedding dress and suit

It is OK if you do not have an enormous reward registry.


You are not setting yourselves up for failure in case you have your dad and mom pay for issues

In a really perfect world, sure, everybody would pay for their very own weddings as a result of this might give them 100% management over how they spent their cash.

However when a marriage within the US prices, on common, tens of 1000’s of {dollars}, it is impractical and infrequently classist to imagine a pair has that form of money out there (and in the event that they do, that they need to spend all of it on a marriage). 

It is not a nasty factor when you’re lucky sufficient to have relations who’re capable of contribute in a big manner. 

It is not impolite to exclude kids

It is extra rude to resent your company who introduced their youngsters since you did not inform them to not.

Should you’re searching for a pleasant center choice, present childcare on the venue or in a safe location like a lodge room with a vetted childcare employee.

You are not doomed to look unhealthy in photographs when you do your individual hair and make-up

There isn’t any have to really feel bizarre about doing your individual hair and make-up, particularly if you understand what you want.

For my marriage ceremony, I employed an expert stylist to present me a one-hour lesson on methods to do my make-up a couple of months prior. I needed to know what to purchase and methods to give myself a bit additional polish.

This labored nice for my wants and my funds. I additionally actually like how I look in my marriage ceremony photographs.

a greenery-covered wedding arch in front of water and mountains after it has rained

Do not assume everybody you invite will not come to your marriage ceremony.

Pavlo Melnyk/Shutterstock

Having a vacation spot marriage ceremony does not imply imply you may invite extra individuals since you do not suppose they’re going to come 

Don’t use your vacation spot marriage ceremony as a solution to invite individuals you do not truly need to attend your marriage ceremony in particular person.

At the very least one among them will shock you and are available and you then’re caught collectively in a faraway location.

Weekday weddings could be price it

They are not frequent, which is an actual disgrace as a result of a weekday marriage ceremony is a present. {Couples} will save 1000’s on the rental price and have a greater diversity of vendor choices. 

It is also not as a lot of an inconvenience for company as individuals suppose — generally they need to take not less than at some point off work to go to a marriage as a result of they’re touring. 

Total, prioritize the wants of the individuals you should have at your marriage ceremony however do not instantly rule out a Tuesday as a result of it is a Tuesday.

You do not have to ask everybody to the post-rehearsal dinner

Lately, some post-rehearsal meals have changed into mini weddings.

For some {couples}, this brings lots of worth — they need two hours of welcome drinks the night time earlier than they get married as a result of they’ve lots of out-of-towners whom they by no means get to see. 

For different {couples}, the expectation saps the enjoyable out of what, at its core, is supposed as a solution to hold hanging out with the individuals you simply frolicked with on the rehearsal. I’ve seen really glorious post-rehearsal meals accomplished the place it is the core group of 5 or 10 individuals all consuming pizza in a lounge. 

This doesn’t need to be an enormous factor if you don’t need it to be as a result of keep in mind: You are additionally internet hosting a marriage.

Assigned seating is completely acceptable 

Please inform your company the place to sit down. This may be as unfastened as assigning a desk quantity they usually decide their seat or as clear as assigning a selected seat at a desk. 

Bonus factors when you give individuals the instruments to introduce themselves to 1 one other. An thought I notably like comes from expertise designer Julie Consolation of The Experiential Wedding ceremony: Assign a number for every desk.

Present every host an inventory of three to 5 icebreaker questions to assist individuals uncover the commonalities that impressed you to group them collectively.

a table at a wedding with the number nine on an acrylic terrarium

Some company want having an assigned seat.

Dobrunov Nichita Alex/Shutterstock

Should you’re getting hair and/or make-up accomplished professionally, you do not need to pay for everybody

It is a pretty reward when you can afford it however if you cannot, that is OK.

Simply be clear about this so individuals can know what to anticipate. In some instances, individuals are even relieved as a result of they’ve a sure manner they prefer to fashion their hair or do their make-up.

That is YOUR day, however do not let it get to your head 

The core premise of this common recommendation is sound: That is your day in that it is OK to ask for what you and your accomplice need and set boundaries you two have to really feel probably the most pleasure in your marriage ceremony day.

Sadly, that is not often how individuals use this recommendation. As a substitute, they weaponize it. “That is YOUR day” turns into shorthand for justifying actions a pair takes that do not consider the humanity of their company or their distributors. 

For instance, “That is your day and the truth that your bridesmaid broke her arm and must put on a forged in your marriage ceremony photographs reveals how horrible she is!” or “That is your day and the truth that your photographer asks to be fed throughout an eight-hour shift is trigger for a nasty evaluation!” (Each of those are true tales. Do not allow them to be true for you.)